Post # 4

I met you last year. It was August.

A guy with a coffee in his hand and a backpack. An eyeglass and a messy hair.

I remember it.

I remember how you came into my life

It was the first time I saw you and I thought that it would be the last, but I was wrong.

You visited twice, thrice, until I can't remember how many times it was.

There would be times when I'm the only person left in the office and you would drop by to say hi.

Or fix things I ask you to even when it's out of your way and you're tired already.

I appreciate it. I do.

Or maybe it's just me. Maybe you're just doing it because it's your job to fix those things. Maybe it's just me giving things their meaning when it's really nothing.

Remember how you would scare me and tell me things that there are ghosts in the office and you would make those scary noises while you're walking down the stairs?

I missed those times. Those times with you.

Remember when we always see each other accidentally? I can't forget that one time when our path crossed near your apartment. You have this umbrella while I was rushing because I'm already late. And then we saw each other, we laughed and tell each other that we are late already. Hahaha! You reached for my hand while I was walking away, but I asked you to let go since I'm late already.

I can't erase the smile on my face that day. It made my day. How I wish that accident will always happen.

Remember when it happened again? You were in your lazy clothes and looking around for medicine for your 1 week cough as you said. I was on my way to our office and suddenly there you are. We were both surprised again. And we laughed. And we were talking while walking away from each other. That is another I can't forget

Remember when we agreed to see each other last Valentine's Day? Since I have to borrow something from you. It was also an Ash Wednesday that day and so I have to rush to make it to the mass. And I forgot to invite you to join the mass with me. That was so crazy of me. We could have attended the mass together on Valentine's Day. Could have been sweet.

And that one time when you asked for my help to look for an apartment since you are moving on the same location where I am assigned in? We had a huge problem on how to transport your bed to the place. I asked for every help that I can but failed in the end. You had to transport it alone, which you did anyway. I am so proud of you. I just can't imagine myself doing that.

And those travel times where we send each other messages on how traffic and how tiring and how late we always reach our destination. How you would not sleep while in a bus and how you don't like wearing headsets and prefer speakers. How you hate the smell of air-conditioned buses but somehow get used to it.

I guess I knew so may things about you from the small things to some of those great facts about you.

I could list everything I've learned about you and how I felt towards those things.

And this blog would never be enough.

I guess everything I'm doing right now is not enough. And it's so unfair.

Post # 3

So where did we end up the last time?
I think I remember.
Mixed Signals and Guessing games.
Some guy right?

As I look back now and see things before, I was such a crazy one. I don't even know why I fall hard for the guy. And how stupid of me to fall for the guy.

I suddenly remember this movie that I saw, there was this guy who fall too hard for this girl and he was having a hard time moving on. And then he met this girl who taught him how to move-on. And she said the first step to move-on and fall-out of love with someone is to think of all the things that he hates about the his ex. Everything, even the smallest stupid things. The rules would be like he needs to tell her these hated things within a specific time, like "In 15 seconds give me 3 things that you hate about your ex", just like that. And then the guy would panic and think of stupid things that he hates about her ex.

Sounds crazy right? Yeah it is. Like when the girl first ask this guy he said he can't think of anything that he hates about his ex because he loves everything about her. But the girl wouldn't believe it, she knows that there is something, there should be something that he hates about her. And Voila! There is! Just when you thought you've seen everything that there is and knew everything - you're wrong.

I guess just like me, when I thought that I've fallen too hard for the person I take a step back and see things. I look at it from a different angle. And see how stupid I am for begging the attention of someone. To the point that I was going out of my way. To the point that I started to question myself and what I'm doing. Honestly is he worth it? Because the last time I checked he doesn't care.

Stupid me.