Hi.
It's me again.
9 months since I last wrote.
So many things happened.
But I still write though, just not here. In some old notebook that I have .
So what's up?
Well, the good news is that the guy and I don't communicate anymore.
The bad news is that the guy still affects me.
By the way, he and the ex are together again. They even went to Albay to celebrate her birthday and who knows maybe even their anniversary.
It hurts. It does. It still does.
Why did I even believe that they broke up? When I think they didn't.
Well to cut the long story short, we lost communication.
I still hope we did not, but I guess things are better this way.
So it won't hurt that much anymore.
By the way, I'm back where I left the last time. Literally. Geographically I mean.
Well I guess, I'll tell you more next time.
I just need to sort my life right now.
Like sort out if I still want to continue this kind of life or get out of it now.
And when I mean now. I mean as in now.
Saturday, September 21, 2019
Tuesday, January 15, 2019
Post #01162019
I don't know how it happened, but suddenly I caught myself not thinking about you anymore. Not remembering you anymore.
Though there are times that I still do. And whenever that happens all I can feel is the loneliness, the pain, and disappointment. I feel that all whenever I remember you. Which happens rarely these past few weeks.
It saddens me that those feelings remind me of you when I used to smile whenever I remember you, dream about the future when I remember you, my heart used to beat faster when someone mentions your name. But now, it's too different. Maybe that's why I'm forgetting you already. Because this time, the pain takes over more, the disappointment, the loneliness.
I avoided listening to music because it makes me sad. Music makes me too emotional. It brings me somewhere deeper. It makes me think, overthink. That's why I don't put my headphones anymore. Because when I do, I remember you. I remember my feelings for you back then.
I guess this is good. For back then I thought I would never get over you, but somehow I can say that I am. Little by little. And who knows maybe I'll forget your name soon :)
Friday, September 14, 2018
Post # 4
I met you last year. It was August.
A guy with a coffee in his hand and a backpack. An eyeglass and a messy hair.
I remember it.
I remember how you came into my life
It was the first time I saw you and I thought that it would be the last, but I was wrong.
You visited twice, thrice, until I can't remember how many times it was.
There would be times when I'm the only person left in the office and you would drop by to say hi.
Or fix things I ask you to even when it's out of your way and you're tired already.
I appreciate it. I do.
Or maybe it's just me. Maybe you're just doing it because it's your job to fix those things. Maybe it's just me giving things their meaning when it's really nothing.
Remember how you would scare me and tell me things that there are ghosts in the office and you would make those scary noises while you're walking down the stairs?
I missed those times. Those times with you.
Remember when we always see each other accidentally? I can't forget that one time when our path crossed near your apartment. You have this umbrella while I was rushing because I'm already late. And then we saw each other, we laughed and tell each other that we are late already. Hahaha! You reached for my hand while I was walking away, but I asked you to let go since I'm late already.
I can't erase the smile on my face that day. It made my day. How I wish that accident will always happen.
Remember when it happened again? You were in your lazy clothes and looking around for medicine for your 1 week cough as you said. I was on my way to our office and suddenly there you are. We were both surprised again. And we laughed. And we were talking while walking away from each other. That is another I can't forget
Remember when we agreed to see each other last Valentine's Day? Since I have to borrow something from you. It was also an Ash Wednesday that day and so I have to rush to make it to the mass. And I forgot to invite you to join the mass with me. That was so crazy of me. We could have attended the mass together on Valentine's Day. Could have been sweet.
And that one time when you asked for my help to look for an apartment since you are moving on the same location where I am assigned in? We had a huge problem on how to transport your bed to the place. I asked for every help that I can but failed in the end. You had to transport it alone, which you did anyway. I am so proud of you. I just can't imagine myself doing that.
And those travel times where we send each other messages on how traffic and how tiring and how late we always reach our destination. How you would not sleep while in a bus and how you don't like wearing headsets and prefer speakers. How you hate the smell of air-conditioned buses but somehow get used to it.
I guess I knew so may things about you from the small things to some of those great facts about you.
I could list everything I've learned about you and how I felt towards those things.
And this blog would never be enough.
I guess everything I'm doing right now is not enough. And it's so unfair.
A guy with a coffee in his hand and a backpack. An eyeglass and a messy hair.
I remember it.
I remember how you came into my life
It was the first time I saw you and I thought that it would be the last, but I was wrong.
You visited twice, thrice, until I can't remember how many times it was.
There would be times when I'm the only person left in the office and you would drop by to say hi.
Or fix things I ask you to even when it's out of your way and you're tired already.
I appreciate it. I do.
Or maybe it's just me. Maybe you're just doing it because it's your job to fix those things. Maybe it's just me giving things their meaning when it's really nothing.
Remember how you would scare me and tell me things that there are ghosts in the office and you would make those scary noises while you're walking down the stairs?
I missed those times. Those times with you.
Remember when we always see each other accidentally? I can't forget that one time when our path crossed near your apartment. You have this umbrella while I was rushing because I'm already late. And then we saw each other, we laughed and tell each other that we are late already. Hahaha! You reached for my hand while I was walking away, but I asked you to let go since I'm late already.
I can't erase the smile on my face that day. It made my day. How I wish that accident will always happen.
Remember when it happened again? You were in your lazy clothes and looking around for medicine for your 1 week cough as you said. I was on my way to our office and suddenly there you are. We were both surprised again. And we laughed. And we were talking while walking away from each other. That is another I can't forget
Remember when we agreed to see each other last Valentine's Day? Since I have to borrow something from you. It was also an Ash Wednesday that day and so I have to rush to make it to the mass. And I forgot to invite you to join the mass with me. That was so crazy of me. We could have attended the mass together on Valentine's Day. Could have been sweet.
And that one time when you asked for my help to look for an apartment since you are moving on the same location where I am assigned in? We had a huge problem on how to transport your bed to the place. I asked for every help that I can but failed in the end. You had to transport it alone, which you did anyway. I am so proud of you. I just can't imagine myself doing that.
And those travel times where we send each other messages on how traffic and how tiring and how late we always reach our destination. How you would not sleep while in a bus and how you don't like wearing headsets and prefer speakers. How you hate the smell of air-conditioned buses but somehow get used to it.
I guess I knew so may things about you from the small things to some of those great facts about you.
I could list everything I've learned about you and how I felt towards those things.
And this blog would never be enough.
I guess everything I'm doing right now is not enough. And it's so unfair.
Post # 3
So where did we end up the last time?
I think I remember.
Mixed Signals and Guessing games.
Some guy right?
As I look back now and see things before, I was such a crazy one. I don't even know why I fall hard for the guy. And how stupid of me to fall for the guy.
I suddenly remember this movie that I saw, there was this guy who fall too hard for this girl and he was having a hard time moving on. And then he met this girl who taught him how to move-on. And she said the first step to move-on and fall-out of love with someone is to think of all the things that he hates about the his ex. Everything, even the smallest stupid things. The rules would be like he needs to tell her these hated things within a specific time, like "In 15 seconds give me 3 things that you hate about your ex", just like that. And then the guy would panic and think of stupid things that he hates about her ex.
Sounds crazy right? Yeah it is. Like when the girl first ask this guy he said he can't think of anything that he hates about his ex because he loves everything about her. But the girl wouldn't believe it, she knows that there is something, there should be something that he hates about her. And Voila! There is! Just when you thought you've seen everything that there is and knew everything - you're wrong.
I guess just like me, when I thought that I've fallen too hard for the person I take a step back and see things. I look at it from a different angle. And see how stupid I am for begging the attention of someone. To the point that I was going out of my way. To the point that I started to question myself and what I'm doing. Honestly is he worth it? Because the last time I checked he doesn't care.
Stupid me.
I think I remember.
Mixed Signals and Guessing games.
Some guy right?
As I look back now and see things before, I was such a crazy one. I don't even know why I fall hard for the guy. And how stupid of me to fall for the guy.
I suddenly remember this movie that I saw, there was this guy who fall too hard for this girl and he was having a hard time moving on. And then he met this girl who taught him how to move-on. And she said the first step to move-on and fall-out of love with someone is to think of all the things that he hates about the his ex. Everything, even the smallest stupid things. The rules would be like he needs to tell her these hated things within a specific time, like "In 15 seconds give me 3 things that you hate about your ex", just like that. And then the guy would panic and think of stupid things that he hates about her ex.
Sounds crazy right? Yeah it is. Like when the girl first ask this guy he said he can't think of anything that he hates about his ex because he loves everything about her. But the girl wouldn't believe it, she knows that there is something, there should be something that he hates about her. And Voila! There is! Just when you thought you've seen everything that there is and knew everything - you're wrong.
I guess just like me, when I thought that I've fallen too hard for the person I take a step back and see things. I look at it from a different angle. And see how stupid I am for begging the attention of someone. To the point that I was going out of my way. To the point that I started to question myself and what I'm doing. Honestly is he worth it? Because the last time I checked he doesn't care.
Stupid me.
Monday, August 27, 2018
Post # 2
So how did it happen? How did I fall hard?
Well, honestly I didn't see it coming neither. But I was somehow aware that I was going there somewhere. I just didn't know how to stop it.
Can I stop it?
Would I be able to stop it?
Nah. I guess I can't.
And incase I can, why should I? Falling in love with someone is one of the greatest feeling this world can offer, for free. So why stop it? But honestly it made me smile, happy and it even made my day.
So while I was falling head over heels for him, I guess he was feeling "nothing". Or maybe he has? I don't know he seems to be confused, like one moment he makes you feel special, and then one moment he makes you feel like he doesn't care. The thing is that he keeps on giving you mixed signals. It's so mixed up that I don't even know what he's trying to say. I mean, I'm not some magician, I can't read minds obviously. He needs to tell me how he feels and what he wants for me to know them.
Well, honestly I didn't see it coming neither. But I was somehow aware that I was going there somewhere. I just didn't know how to stop it.
Can I stop it?
Would I be able to stop it?
Nah. I guess I can't.
And incase I can, why should I? Falling in love with someone is one of the greatest feeling this world can offer, for free. So why stop it? But honestly it made me smile, happy and it even made my day.
So while I was falling head over heels for him, I guess he was feeling "nothing". Or maybe he has? I don't know he seems to be confused, like one moment he makes you feel special, and then one moment he makes you feel like he doesn't care. The thing is that he keeps on giving you mixed signals. It's so mixed up that I don't even know what he's trying to say. I mean, I'm not some magician, I can't read minds obviously. He needs to tell me how he feels and what he wants for me to know them.
Post # 1
I'll start to share this crazy situation I'm in right now.
One year ago I met this guy at work. He's a newbie and by the looks of it (and after a thorough research😂) I think he's eight years younger than me. We met at work. And just like any other story, I can say that we "clicked". At first we just send each other messages regarding work and then for some time we started to send messages sharing our experiences and thoughts. We even shared how we feel about our every day activities, even our whereabouts sometimes. Our officemates would even tease us and ask us if we're already a couple. That is funny. But somehow it makes me smile. Like, the idea's not that bad. I mean I'm single and when we asked him, he's just broken up with his ex. So perfect right? Going in a relationship with someone who's not yet fully moving on is a no-no for me. Because trust me, it will hurt so bad. So how did I know that he's not yet over it?
Simple, you don't need to be a spy to know he's not yet moving on.
You just have to be a girl to know it.
The guy is so fond of the ex. And no matter how much I put that in my head, I don't get seem to remember it. I have to remind myself over and over again.
But then again, we don't choose when we fall, and who we fall for.
And that what happened.
I fall.
Hard.
One year ago I met this guy at work. He's a newbie and by the looks of it (and after a thorough research😂) I think he's eight years younger than me. We met at work. And just like any other story, I can say that we "clicked". At first we just send each other messages regarding work and then for some time we started to send messages sharing our experiences and thoughts. We even shared how we feel about our every day activities, even our whereabouts sometimes. Our officemates would even tease us and ask us if we're already a couple. That is funny. But somehow it makes me smile. Like, the idea's not that bad. I mean I'm single and when we asked him, he's just broken up with his ex. So perfect right? Going in a relationship with someone who's not yet fully moving on is a no-no for me. Because trust me, it will hurt so bad. So how did I know that he's not yet over it?
Simple, you don't need to be a spy to know he's not yet moving on.
You just have to be a girl to know it.
The guy is so fond of the ex. And no matter how much I put that in my head, I don't get seem to remember it. I have to remind myself over and over again.
But then again, we don't choose when we fall, and who we fall for.
And that what happened.
I fall.
Hard.
Introduction
Hi, it's me again. In a different blog though. I miss sharing my thoughts through my blog. But this time, this blog will be different. It will still have my thoughts in it but I'm hoping to write on it every day. Or if you know me, i'll write on it whenever I feel so emotional. Because I guess that's the only time that I write something good. That's sounds crazy right? Well I think I'm crazy. And this blog's gonna be crazy because it will show how my emotions go up and down, it's gonna be a crazy roller coaster ride of emotions. That's if anyone's gonna be reading this.😊 So can we start now?
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